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Supporting someone who has been raped or sexually abused

Taking care of yourself

Supporting someone who has been abused can be upsetting and shocking. You may be affected by what they are saying and left feeling frustrated and helpless. Whilst the person you are supporting may not be able to hear what you are feeling right now, what you are feeling is important and it may help you to find someone to listen to you.
At Survive we are happy to support you on the phone or in a one to one meeting. We also have books you may borrow on supporting survivors.

Ideas for supporting someone who has been raped or sexually abused:

  • Listen without judging them
  • Reassure them that you believe them
  • Do not show shock or disgust
  • Tell them they are not to blame. Only the abuser is to blame
  • Be careful not to overwhelm them with your anger towards the abuser. They need space and time to work their way through what are often confusing feelings about what has happened
  • Do not push them to talk about their experiences if they do not want to.
  • Be aware that they might find it hard to trust you or anyone
  • Ask them what you can do that is helpful to them
  • Be hopeful that they will regain a sense of power and self determination in the future
  • Help them to get professional help, particularly if you think they might hurt themselves
  • If you are the first person they tell write down the date and time and factual information if they intend to tell the police because you may be a witness to their first disclosure of being abused.
  • Know your own limits and be honest about what you can do to help and what you cannot do. Help them to get support from other people as well as yourself.